Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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