you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
