I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
