Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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