Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay

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  (646): My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay http://tfl.nu/aqwf
  Replies (6) Good night (814) Bad night (931)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom

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  (978): Why are you at a bar in Connecticut? (617): Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom http://tfl.nu/akoi
  Replies (20) Good night (3728) Bad night (711)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

  (631): View more from New York

  Samesies

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  (610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week. (631): Samesies http://tfl.nu/jurs
  Replies (23) Good night (4989) Bad night (925)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  We had to coat check the pizza.

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  (514): We had to coat check the pizza. http://tfl.nu/aa4o
  Replies (3) Good night (3178) Bad night (1173)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

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  (956): found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint. http://tfl.nu/dk3f
  Replies (14) Good night (1587) Bad night (3065)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it

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  (717): And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it http://tfl.nu/tlm9
  Replies (2) Good night (1553) Bad night (1136)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....

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  (907): I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on.... http://tfl.nu/kmcf
  Replies (10) Good night (1439) Bad night (960)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.

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  (814): Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright. http://tfl.nu/kb3m
  Replies (11) Good night (2485) Bad night (775)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.

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  (803): Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one. http://tfl.nu/n5r8
  Replies (1) Good night (723) Bad night (1388)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.

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  (623): I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me. http://tfl.nu/we23
  Replies (5) Good night (1531) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...

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  (770): Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less... http://tfl.nu/7jyd
  Replies (5) Good night (1627) Bad night (699)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?

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  (832): I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal? http://tfl.nu/mk58
  Replies (7) Good night (1128) Bad night (529)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?

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  (902): I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink? http://tfl.nu/3vlv
  Replies (3) Good night (472) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...

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  (785): I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench... http://tfl.nu/97xe
  Replies (1) Good night (512) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.

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  (403): I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good. http://tfl.nu/0om1
  Replies (1) Good night (737) Bad night (233)

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