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• (630): View more from Illinois

  bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.

  (716): View more from New York

  i dont this its possible to queef on command.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.

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• 

  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I wanna throw up and cum in that order

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• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  why would you automatically assume i'm high...

  (240): View more from Maryland

  you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls

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• (707): View more from California

  He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.

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