i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
