1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.