My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
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After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.