I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"