I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.