I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me