that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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