The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
