Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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