hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
