Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
