You're so nebulous sometimes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
