Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
