Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
