i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
