I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
should my penis look like a turkey
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
