dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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