You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just want nice things and good sex
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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