There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
