So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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