The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
