i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
