worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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