You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
