He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Randomize
