I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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