You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
