I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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