I bet he comes in French.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
