She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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