I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A+ Viking dick
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there is glitter all over my balls
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
