You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
