Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
