wrigley field is MILF paradise
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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