Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Im part way to drunk.
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