I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
