return my video game
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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