i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
