we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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