evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am midnight drunk by noon
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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