I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
