wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize