I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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