when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
