As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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