He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
