I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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