So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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