Jerry, you need to find god
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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