i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's blow job season.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
