The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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