I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The air taste purple.
Randomize
