Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize