We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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